The Unwanted Gift
by the crazy cat lady
Summary: For years, everyone - including himself - assumed that Carlisle's 'gift' as an immortal was that of compassion, but when Aro returns to Forks and reveals that this was all a lie, all hell breaks loose. (Kind of dark in places, but a whole lot of fluff too.)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is a rewrite of one that I wrote 3 (?) chapters for a couple of years back. I hated the old one, but a few people wanted me to continue it so here we go, although, I'm a terrible human being who promised to continue that story months ago, so I'll be very surprised if any of them are actually around to read this. This version is going to be very different, and I fully intend on finishing it as I have plans for later chapters, unlike last time (:**

Bella POV

Standing in the field again was ominously reminiscent of our fight for Renesmee, except this time we had no idea what they wanted. Alice had been able to see their arrival, allowing us enough time to reform our group of witnesses, but she couldn't see the result of the confrontation; something was heavily blocking her ability. It was terrifyingly frustrating. Amun and Kebi had agreed to stay this time, as had Alistair, although he stood to the side of everyone in an attempt to starve off unwanted contact.

Everyone was showing signs of nervousness. No one could stand still and you could have cut the tension in the air with a knife. The coven leaders were standing at the head of our gatherings, in front of their respective families, prepared to face the Volturi first. They had spread themselves across the distance, but it left them very isolated and they looked remarkably vulnerable – something that did not improve anyone's anxiety.

Closest to me, Esme was fretting about the separation between her and her mate. "Carlisle," she whispered, watching him across the fifty feet of snow that kept them apart.

He turned to glance back at her, forcing a smile. "It will be okay, love," he whispered back.

"I love you…"

His reply was silenced by the black hooded figures emerging from the trees, their footsteps all in perfect time. There was no sound other than the whispering of rustled fabric as the cloaks billowed around them. They halted roughly one hundred feet from our front line. Aro, Caius and Marcus removed their hoods.

Beside me, Edward growled lowly, narrowing his eyes and tightening his hand around mine.

Aro smiled widely, spreading his hands to us. "Relax, my friends, we come in peace. I just want to have a…friendly conversation." His eyes flicked across our family and his grin grew as he zeroed in on who he wanted. "Carlisle?"

Straightening his shoulders, Carlisle tried his best to sound sure of himself. His hands shook, and he folded them behind his back to hide it. "Yes, Aro?"

"Come here, please." He held out his hand. "I'm going to help you."

"Thank you, but I don't think I need any help, Aro," he argued lightly, a little shaky.

"Come to me, my friend." He was a little more forceful now, and Carlisle didn't dare resist him.

He slowly crossed over to Aro, now standing in the middle of the Volturi's gathering. Everyone on our side was holding their breath, praying for his safety.

Aro grabbed his arm once he was close enough, jerking him forward and keeping a tight hold on his wrist. "Now, I would like you all to meet Georgia. She has been a member of my guard for many, many years now." He waited while his guard rearranged themselves to let the woman through. "She has the power to repress the special abilities of others…for example, she can take Edward's ability to read minds and return it however she would like."

"Aro," Carlisle interjected suddenly, resulting in the other man squeezing his arm with more force.

"But that is not what we are doing here. I will not be touching your coven today, Carlisle."

A woman who I had never seen before – presumably Georgia – came to stand beside Aro, giving us a wide smile. She turned back to wink at Carlisle but he was holding his breath. "I haven't seen you in a long time." It was almost flirtatious, and Esme stiffened.

"I'm not sure I remember you," he murmured to her, his eyes wide and afraid.

"Of course not, my love. I've taken your memory."

The colour drained form Carlisle's face and his nerves were no longer hidden. He was visibly anxious and struggling to keep calm.

"Get him out of there," Alistair hissed suddenly, glaring at the scene before him. "Somebody do something." He didn't get a response from any of us, and he thankfully hadn't spoken loud enough for any member of the Volturi to hear him either.

"Your self-control has improved greatly now, Carlisle, and we believe – most of us, anyway – that you can handle the return of your abilities," Aro continued, giddy with excitement. "Now, the rest of you need to be very careful. I need my guard to move back to the treeline, and I suggest that the rest of you stand together under Isabella's shield. And Carlisle, you are not allowed to lose control."

Carlisle shook his head, glancing over at Esme and sinking his teeth into his lip. "I don't want it…"

She forced a shaky smile but her eyes were welling with tears. Unable to offer him any form of reassurance or comfort, she was lost for what to do. "Don't run, Esme, _please_ ," Edward pleaded with her. Tanya jogged the few meters between her family and ours, taking her place beside Esme and holding onto her hand. Having her there seemed to comfort Carlisle, if nothing else, and he sort of managed a smile at the other coven leader.

"You will be fine, as long as you do not panic. It will be a lot to take in, and you must not lose control, or it will become dangerous. I have faith in you." Aro smirked as though he thought otherwise, only solidifying our assumption that he wasn't stupid enough to actually do something that benefitted Carlisle. I could feel my husband physically brace himself against whatever pain Carlisle was about to endure.

"Nobody move," Edward quickly told all of us. "If any of us cross our line, Carlisle's…gone." The words hurt to get out and he quickly looked down, letting out a shaky breath. I squeezed his fingers tightly.

Doing as Aro had told me, I stretched my shield across everyone on our side, strengthening it as we all moved closer to each other. No one dared to even breathe, completely focused on Carlisle. Tanya had her arms around Esme, both in comfort and to stop her from bolting. Carlisle, on the other hand, was entirely focused on the ground, keeping his head down.

Georgia murmured something unintelligible and touched Carlisle. Her giggle echoed around the field when he flinched violently upon contact, flitting back toward the trees where the rest of the Volturi stood. Aro released him too, moving a few steps back.

At first nothing happened.

Just as my nerves started to disperse, my shield shivered and crackled, and I focused all my effort into holding it up. Sharp bursts of pressure fought against it like drills, trying to tunnel their way in; it was enough to make it bubble and warp. Suddenly, sparks burst off it's surface, blowing it to pieces. The ground violently convulsed and snow poured from the sky as tiny, frozen needles, boulders flying madly across the space in front of us. The landscape was torn up, in a flurry before our eyes.

"Benjamin! Stop this!" Amun screamed over the ruckus. He turned to grab him, but the shudders from the earth had off balanced him. "That's enough!"

"It's not me!" he cried back, terrified. "I can't do it this strongly!"

The sparks raced across the ground, igniting trees into flames until the sky glowed red. My shield reappeared, a cube popping up in front of us. It held it's shape so well it had defined sides and sharp corners, and it was a startling blue colour. It definitely was not under my control; I battled for it, but I couldn't even begin to put my own protection over us again.

Edward was shouting something to me, partially holding me behind him, but I couldn't hear him through the chaos. All around us, our surroundings abruptly flicked from one scene to another; a dense jungle with leaves I could feel the moisture on, and a desert so dry I could feel the sun burning my skin.

In amongst all of this, someone else's memories flashed before my eyes; a little kid screaming in pain after a punishment, the forest again, a room slick with blood, the same desert, mixed with the occasional glimpse of reality.

There was a collective sigh of relief as our senses were cut off – Alec; I had prayed Aro might have used him. A second later, it was all gone, and everything returned to normal.

Carlisle was sitting on the ground, out of breath and visibly shaken up. He flinched away when Aro placed his hand on his shoulder, on the point of tears and in the middle of a panic attack.

"You did better than you did last time," he told him, grinning. The praise didn't come as a compliment, rather an attack.

"…Aro, please take it back…I don't want this," he pleaded with him, glancing up at the ancient vampire.

"Carlisle, this will help you," he shook his head condescendingly. "You need to learn your limits."

"…please…it hurts…" he whispered, so quietly it was almost inaudible from our position. His words had Esme twisting against Tanya, trying to break free of her, and Tanya holding her back.

"You'll get used to it," he dismissed him, waving his hand noncommittally.

"Alice," Edward whispered, grabbing my waist and pulling me up against him. "He's seeing your visions."

She just nodded, watching Carlisle as the rest of us were.

"He will hear your thoughts too, like you do Edward, and read minds the same as I do," Aro explained. "You can't bock it, Carlisle, don't bother." He rolled his eyes as Carlisle hugged himself, resting his head on his knees, and pushed him forward roughly.

Carlisle was dizzy and couldn't quite keep up with the movement. Landing hard on his hands and knees, he threw up without warning, choking.

That was it for Esme. She shoved free of Tanya and ran before anyone could stop her. Before she could get to her husband, though, a solid pane of shield appeared in her path, moving with her when she tried to dodge it. "Carlisle," she pleaded.

"I-I don't want to hurt you," he mumbled back.

"Someone explain to me what the hell just happened," Amun growled, gripping Kebi's hand. Like everyone else, he was keeping his mate close by his side.

Aro and Georgia exchanged eye contact.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the feedback, I'm glad you guys seemed to enjoy it :)**

"I cant…Esme, I don't feel safe...I'm not safe; I'll hurt you," Carlisle pleaded with her, shaking his head at her attempts to get to him. Exhausted, he was struggling to hold her back, and it was only going to be a matter of time before he slipped and the shield would fall.

"Carlisle, please, love. I trust you; it'll be okay," she reasoned quietly, forcing a smile.

Aro stood with his hands clasped in front of him, like a school teacher waiting for his class to give him their undivided attention. He smiled widely once we were all focused on him, seemingly ignoring Carlisle. He went on to explain to us that as a new-born, Carlisle had the ability to manipulate and use the powers of anyone he came into contact, and could continue to use them even after the original carrier was gone. It had been too hard for him to manage when he was younger, and Georgia had taken his ability away to protect everyone. The nightmare that had occurred minutes before had been the result of him struggling to contain everything at once, until he had been able to use Alec's ability to block it off for us by removing our senses.

The entire gathering was silent, and no one on either side dared to move in case we had to relive what we had just seen. It was too hard to grasp immediately, and I couldn't register Carlisle as a threat, despite Aro purposefully making him one.

Even now, our surroundings were increasingly turbulent. Every few minutes a jolted rushed through the earth under our feet, and a flash of image clouded our vision. I could feel the strength of my shield being pulled away from me, but the opposing force was slowly becoming loose, meaning I could begin to cover our gathering again. It was easier to think with that small amount of protection shrouding us.

"That boy is dangerous. I suggest that you all stay well away from him; it will be for your own good." Aro was clearly proud of himself, grinning as he watched our faces fall.

"…I don't want to be dangerous…" Carlisle whispered to him. It started to rain, gradually becoming heavier and heavier.

"You will learn to deal with it," he snapped back. "And you can start now by removing this weather. It is unnecessary and childish."

His words obviously didn't help, and it poured harder, the wind starting to pick up as well. Carlisle was panicking, as was everybody else, and didn't seem to understand how to calm it down.

"Unexpected hurricanes are a cause for human concern, Carlisle Cullen. Control yourself," Aro hissed at him, glaring at the clouds as they swirled menacingly in the sky. "There cannot be a record-breaking storm every time you do not like something." His attack helped nothing, and the storm grew.

"This is a little more than controlling the elements," Amun yelled over the wind.

"I agree," Aro said. "We are not entirely sure what he is capable of yet. When your family fought the new-borns, he most likely picked new abilities up then too. Georgia's blocking of his ability didn't completely erase it; it was too strong for that. He kept parts of it the entire time."

Carlisle lost control completely, and the ground began to vibrate, the sky as dark as night. The pane of shield flickered, before falling and disappearing completely. Esme finally got to him, hugging him tightly, and the rain poured harder than anyone had through possible.

"You're okay, it's okay, Carlisle," she murmured to him, kissing his forehead. "Don't think about Aro, love. We'll get through this; we always do."

"I don't want to hurt you, Esme," he repeated. "You need to stay away from me-"

"You and I both know that I can't do that." She forced him to let her stay close to him, continuing with soft words and kisses until the weather started to ease a little. The sky was still unnaturally dark, but as Carlisle's anxiety subsided, the rain did too.

"We're done here," Aro announced, spinning around and going back into the sea of black. The swish of coats and synchronised footsteps began again as the Volturi retreated.

"Come, love, let's go home." Standing, she pulled him to his feet, holding onto him when he stumbled a little. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, just…a little dizzy…" he admitted. "…it's a lot all at once…"

"I know." She leant up to kiss him, keeping hold of his hand as we all walked back toward our house.

There was a stiffness in everybody's step as we all unconsciously tried to keep distance between ourselves and Carlisle. He seemed to encourage it as well, only broadening the gap between us whenever he had the chance. Esme refused to allow it, tightly holding onto his hand.

 **Esme POV**

The wind was rocking our house off it's foundations. It wasn't quite so strong near the town, thankfully, but the usual weather had caught the attention of most of the population, and it was continuously reported on the local news station. I kept the TV off so that Carlisle wouldn't see it, but it didn't stop him from knowing about it.

I sat next to him on the bed, reaching to take his hand. "Come down and see the others, love. You can't be alone all day." I knew the isolation was killing him; Carlisle wasn't like this.

He stiffened when I touched him, holding his breath. Unable to stand it, he quickly stood up, backing toward the wall. "I don't want to hurt anybody…"

"You are only hurting yourself, Carlisle." I refused to let him keep the distance between us, forcing him into a hug and kissing his cheek. "We all trust you."

"…I'm dangerous, Esme…It's not safe…"

"It's been three days, and you haven't done anyone any harm. It will be fine."

He shook his head, finally having the sense to hug me back. "I'm tired and it's getting harder to control…I'm scared I'm going to slip…" he mumbled, his words getting lost in my clothing.

It was relief to me to have him admit that he was afraid. I already knew it, of course, but hearing him say that words gave me the permission I wanted to comfort him, and I hoped that he might actually let me now. I was sick of being keep at arm's length all the time. "I know, my love, but we will deal with whatever happens."

"I love you."

"I love you too." I smiled as I felt a tiny bit of tension leave his body, running my hand down his back. "We are going to need to deal with this weather soon though, Carlisle," I reminded him. "I know it always rains in Forks, but I'm not sure that they're going to look too kindly upon the entire town being permanently drenched."

Thankfully, Carlisle laughed. "I guess not." He sighed as the roof groaned again, glancing up at it. "And, I think I'm going to start destroying our property soon…"

"There's that too," I agreed, kissing him again before he had too much time to overthink it. I was quite aware by now that the storm's strength had a lot to do with my husband's anxiety, and that letting him get too worked up over something like this really would lead to our home being ripped apart.

"…I'm not sure how to stop it, though…I-I can't…" He glanced out the window, watching it. "It's a little easier to control when I'm distracted, I suppose…"

"I've noticed." I kissed him again, trying to do just that. "The more nervous you are, the worse it gets."

He nodded, but wasn't particularly pleased with my observation, I could tell. "But distractions terrify me…what if something else happens if I'm not paying attention? You saw what happened with Bella's shield…if I lose control and hurt someone, no one is going to be able to stop it…"

"Carlisle, listen to me. Yes, I saw what happened with the shield, but you learned very quickly how to manipulate it to stop me from getting to you, didn't you?" I teased, kissing his cheek. "I know you don't trust yourself, love, but I do."

"…they don't…" he mumbled, quickly looking at the door and then back at me. It didn't help anything that he was able to access their thoughts as easily as Edward could.

"They're just worried-"

"They're scared of me," he interrupted. "I don't want them to feel unsafe in their own home, Esme." He pulled away from me, anxious again. "Maybe I should leave for a while until I know I won't hurt anyone, but I don't want-"

"And I don't want you to go anywhere either, so we're staying here." I sat on the bed, watching him pace back and forth in front of me. "It's a lot to get used to, but we're a family and we'll do it."

"…I'm going to tear this family apart…"

"You're going to tear this house apart, if you don't come back here and calm down," I warned, only half a joke. There was no way I even wanted him to finish that thought. I waited until he came and sat next to me, hugging me again. "You built this family, Carlisle," I reminded him. "It's going to take a little more than some rough weather to destroy it."

"Aro wanted this to happen…"

"He wants to hurt you, as much as you don't want to admit it." I sighed and ran my fingers through his hair to get it off his face. "If you leave, Aro wins. He can't handle our alliances, and he wants you to pull them apart yourself because he can't get close enough."

"You've been talking to Garrett and Eleazar," he accused, smiling a little.

I laughed, rolling my eyes at being caught at. "It's true, isn't it?"

"…Yes," he agreed slowly. "I guess so…But that doesn't make it any less likely that I'll lose control…"

"We'll worry about that when it happens, alright? Until then, you need to try and stop worrying about it because it won't help you." Hugging him tightly, I refused to let him go until he agreed. I was concerned with how much it was affecting him already; it had only been three days, but he only seemed to be becoming more uneasy with himself. I didn't know how much he could actually take before it was too much. And I wasn't sure how I was going to pick up the pieces afterwards.


	3. Chapter 3

**It took a bit of a long time coming, but here we go! It's quite short too, so I'll try and get the next chapter up in the next few days too. Thanks again for your support (:**

Things had been quieter this morning. The house didn't shake as much, and the trees rustled instead of groaned. Occasionally our vision would cloud over with a foreign environment, but it would go as quickly as it came. The tight feeling of tension throughout the house had calmed a little, and everyone was able to relax.

Carlisle was distant, though, and I knew it was taking it's toll. Conversation seemed to be a strain for him, but his avoidance tactics weren't getting him far with the rest of the coven; no one was about to let him isolate himself over this.

He smiled as I approached him, answering my question before I had time to ask it. It was definitely going to take me some time to come to terms with Edward _and_ Carlisle hearing my thoughts before I spoke them. "I'm okay, Esme…it's just…a lot…" he told me quietly.

I smiled back, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling myself up to kiss him. It had taken him a little while to be able to handle even this much, but now he seemed happy enough to have me close to him like this. I felt like we'd taken a step back in our relationship; back to when we first began living together and were nervous about touching and affection. Whether it was terribly romantic or horribly frustrating, I wasn't sure yet. He was genuinely trying though, and that was all that mattered to me. "I'm glad, love. You're doing better. Is it getting easier?"

He nodded slowly, although I suspected it was only half the truth.

Seeming as he would have known my worry anyway, I blatantly called him out on it. "Edward said you weren't feeling well." I would be infinitely grateful that he couldn't actually get away with anything, for the time being at least; Carlisle hadn't quite been able to figure out how to shield his thoughts yet, meaning Edward could dob him in when something was wrong. It was an invasion of privacy, and one that I knew Carlisle wasn't pleased about, but it was a weight off my mind.

Thankfully, my husband didn't withhold much information from me, and seemed to realise I was going to find out either way. "It's nothing really…I just feel a little sick. It feels like motion sickness."

"But you're not moving," I teased him, glad he told me.

"I guess not," he laughed, kissing me again. "But I suppose it will go away once I've gotten used to it. It's quite loud, listening to all of you; it gives me a headache. I'm not sure how Edward deals with it all the time."

"It will get better, Carlisle, I'm sure of it." I kissed his cheek, squeezing his hand as I stepped back from him. "What about work, my love?" There was only so many days he could have off work before they started asking questions, but I knew that Carlisle wasn't ready to go back yet.

He looked away, sighing. "I'm not sure yet. I think I have another week until my boss becomes too upset with me, and then maybe I can apply for leave; I have a lot of holidays saved up anyway, so I can use those." His voice didn't instil much confidence in himself, and he was doubting his own words.

"You'll figure it out, love, you always do," I reminded him, squeezing his fingers. It brought a smile to his face, at least.

I didn't want to doubt him, but I was waiting for everything to come crashing down. Naturally curious, it hadn't taken long before Carlisle had begun testing the aspects of his new ability that he was comfortable controlling, but I certainly wasn't enjoying the process. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, or that I didn't think he could do it, but rather he didn't want me near him. _He_ didn't trust himself, not even with something as innocent as the shield.

"He's scared, Esme," Jasper murmured to me, watching him as I was as he stood outside by himself.

I nodded, guessing as much. "I know. He needs to believe in himself a little more." I'd said it for Carlisle's benefit, knowing he'd be aware of our conversation even if he didn't want to be. Our eyes met and I forced a smile, trying to reassure him.

Jasper watched the exchange without commenting, weighing the emotions in the air. "Less nervous, now," he teased, smirking.

I shook my head at him and he laughed. "That's because I'm on the other side of the glass. If I was closer to him, he would be not quite so happy." Turning my attention back to my husband, I frowned as the earth cracked underneath him and he jumped out of the way. Ignoring my better judgement, I went out to stand on the porch, more to watch than anything else.

"Are you here to tell me off for destroying the lawn?" he teased lightly, keeping his distance despite the good humour.

"I'm just curious, Carlisle," I assured him, sitting on the edge of one of our seats. "Don't you go pulling up my flower beds, though, or there will be trouble." That was only half a joke.

"I'll be careful, love." He fell quiet for a few minutes, fighting to correct the tear in our property. He almost managed it. Almost.

"You missed a spot."

Giving up on that, he and sat next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. "I'll fix it later. Your gardens are fine." He kissed my cheek as I laughed, pulling me closer.

"I'll let you off then, just this once."

Quiet for a moment, he was suddenly a little more cautious in the conversation. "…I don't mean to push you away, Esme, I would never do that. It does worry me, though, having you so close when things are so…unpredictable?"

"I know you don't. Besides, I wouldn't let you if you tried."

Days passed with much of the same thing. Carlisle slowly acclimatised to the new changes, until most things would go as they used to, aside from a little conversion stemming from whether something was thought or said allowed. He was somewhat ignoring the changes, and trying to continue as he's always done. Work was still an issue, as was socialisation, but he was quickly getting there and I was proud of him.

Unfortunately, it didn't take long for everything to fall apart again.


	4. Chapter 4

Hunting had been rocky, to say the least. It had been weeks since Carlisle had last fed, and I knew his throat was killing him, but the minute he gave himself over to the animalistic side of our nature, he lost control over everything he'd done so well at containing. And it hadn't gone over smoothly, either.

Standing across from him in a field, the earth shuddered and the trees cracked at the sudden shift in their rooting. He'd cut my senses, and while I could only see a blank wall of black that had no relevance, I could imagine the chaos that surrounded me.

As a particularly violent jolt ran under my feet, I crouched on the ground, bracing myself against the grass in hopes of preventing myself from falling. "Carlisle, stop this, love," I pleaded, forcing back a wave of fear. I knew he'd both heard my worried internal dialogue and felt the exact thing I was feeling, but I tried to mask it anyway.

I felt a twinge of pain, a light shock, for all but a second before he cut it off – thankfully. There was an electronic buzz and suddenly my vision returned, only to find myself locked in a box, physically trapped by a shield. I refrained from touching it, suspecting it had electricity flowing through it.

The turbulence outside of my little sanctuary was starting to slow too, the wind howling a little less and the earth under me falling quiet. The shield flickered a few times before falling completely.

"Carlisle," I sighed, managing a shaky smile as I crossed over to him. I was a little nervous that my proximity to him might become too much, but he didn't react.

Sitting on the ground, his arms wrapped around his legs as though he might fall apart if he let go, he looked awfully vulnerable. "Did I hurt you?" he asked once I was close enough, fighting tears.

I shook my head, sitting next to him on the ground and wrapping my arms around him. He wouldn't look at me, keeping his head down. "Did you feed?" I asked him quietly, pulling him closer.

"…No…" He hesitated, risking a glance up at me. "…Do you think we were far enough away from the town? If anybody else felt that, we're in trouble…"

Actually studying our surroundings, I saw that the evidence of the meltdown hadn't spread very far, keeping it localised to us. "The damage is quite contained, love, and we're a long way from home, so I doubt it." Only time would tell, really. "Are you okay?"

"…I'm going to destroy this coven…"

"There is no point in thinking like that, Carlis-"

He drew back a little, loosening my hold on him. "There is no point in denying the truth, either."

"Look, I know this is rough, but it hasn't been all that long since it happened, so don't beat yourself up over it," I grumbled.

"I'm dangerous. Aro told you that."

"Aro says a lot of things to hurt you." I reached for his hand, trying to force him to let go of himself. If he was going to come undone, I wanted it to be now, while we were far enough away from the house to not bring down the walls.

"Comforting," he mumbled, hearing my thoughts. "You are right though, we're lucky I haven't done more damage then I already have." Resting his forehead against his knees as an excuse not to look at me, he groaned quietly. "I hate this, Esme. I hate being like this."

"Nothing has changed." I kissed his cheek, forcing him to let me hug him.

"Nothing, except that I'm highly dangerous."

I stayed quiet, knowing he was getting worked up. At this point, I wasn't sure that anything I said was going to make a difference to him. His frustration was a weak mask for fear; I knew he was absolutely petrified, both for himself and for everyone around him.

Sighing, he looked up at me. "I'm sorry, Esme. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I know you're trying to help me." He wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on the top of my head as he pulled me closer. "I'm really sorry."

"I know, love. It's okay." I couldn't pinpoint the cause of his sudden change of mood, but it was a trait I'd noticed before in Edward, so I guessed it had something to do with having an insight into my thoughts.

"…I'm trying not to," he murmured after a moment of silence.

"Not to, what?"

"Be…invasive," he clarified. "But it's difficult to block it out."

I had to laugh. "Carlisle, that is the least of your problems right now."

Tensions in the house were high; Carlisle was unintentionally transferring his emotions onto everyone close to him, meaning we were all nervous and somewhat snappy with each other. So he stayed away from us, as much as he could. It seemed as though no matter how many times we tried to get him closer, he would push himself away.

I originally hadn't been at all impressed with the idea of the abrasive nomad being here, but I hoped that maybe seeing Alistair might comfort my husband a little bit. As much as Alistair didn't approve of it, Carlisle loved having him here.

"Smile, Carlisle, sulking doesn't suit you." Alistair sat at the table in front of him with a sigh.

Anxious and jumpy, Carlisle looked up at him, sliding his phone across the table to face the nomad. "…They're all starting to notice…"

Grumbling something under his breath, he glanced at the phone the same time as I did. Sure enough, there was an article on the front page of the local paper, documenting 'unusual weather'. I squeezed Carlisle's shoulder, trying to reassure him, but Alistair had the opposite tactic.

"You're a nervous wreck. Get it together." He sat back in his seat, frowning and slowly shaking his head at Carlisle when he glanced up at him.

I only just resisted scolding him and expelling him from our house.

"Alistair- I can't- I- please…" Carlisle pleaded, snatching his phone back and flipping it over so he couldn't see the screen.

"Please, what?" he teased, raising his eyebrows.

"I don't know! Please- I don't know what to do, please just…help me…?"

"You're asking for help." He didn't phrase it as a question, and I braced myself for the result of his rejection.

Carlisle nodded unsurely. "...Please…"

Uncharacteristically, he reached across the table, squeezing his hand. "I don't know what you think I can do, Carlisle, but I'm here if you need me."

My husband offered him a weak smile, blowing out a tight breath. "I can't keep losing control like this. It'll only attract more attention every time it happens…" His voice shook a little, and Carlisle winced, knowing the nomad and I knew how much it scared him.

Alistair sat back in his chair, silent for a few moments. "Move, then. Isolate yourself."

"Alistair-"

"Come with me."

The offer was unexpected enough to keep my husband quiet for a few seconds, but I could see him starting to panic the more he thought about it. "The Volturi, Alistair, you've hidden from them for years; I'll get you in trouble."

He chuckled once under his breath. "You're prepared to expose me for the sake of Edward's child, but you are not willing to do it to save yourself?"

Carlisle groaned quietly, rubbing his hand over his face. "It's not like that, it's just-"

"It's exactly like that," he snapped. "You're willing to sacrifice everything for everybody except for yourself. And you can't do this on your own, so you're just going to have to come to terms with others helping you."

I ran my hand down Carlisle's back as he quickly looked down his lap, fidgeting with the edge of the table. "He's right, love," I murmured to him.

He swallowed thickly, avoiding looking at both of us. "…I-I can't be nomadic again. it almost killed me last time," he whispered. "I can't do that."

Placing my hand over his, trying to still his fidgeting. "Then we won't." The idea of being away from home certainly didn't appeal to me either, not after being settled as a family for so long.

Grumbling,, Alistair sighed heavily. "Alright, but at what point do you leave? What are you willing to risk to stay in civilisation, with a job you cant do and a house you're going to bring down?"

I narrowed my eyes at him; _this_ was the Alistair I was used to. "Enough," I warned.

"He's not a child, Esme, he needs to face the truth," he told me sharply.

Carlisle stiffened a little at his tone toward me, but still hesitated before answering. "…He's right, love…" he mumbled eventually.

"He is not, Carlisle," I argued bitterly.

He kissed my cheek before gently tilting my head up, until I was looking at the ceiling. A spider-like network of cracks crept across the roof, faintly inching down the walls. "The longer I stay here, the worse this is going to get."

"Then we'll rebuild- Carlisle," I pleaded.

"It's not our house I'm worried about; we move every few years anyway; it's the rest of the town. I can't ruin half the town's properties."

"You saw how far the damage reached when we were hunting yesterday; it wasn't very far. Carlisle, don't think like this," I begged, coming undone at the thought of separating from our family.

"We've all worked so hard to keep ourselves hidden; I don't want to be the one to ruin that." He glanced up at me, trying to smile but not quiet able to.

"Then what do you want?" I was fighting off a wave of panic, squeezing his hand under the table.

"I want what's best for our coven."

"And what's that?"

"…I don't know."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you very much to those of you that have left such kind reviews, you all make me very happy! And sodium-lamp-on-a-hill, you have a special place in my heart (:**

The rain was torrential. The water poured down our driveway into the already flooded gutters, turning to lawn into mush and filling the garden beds with puddles. It was winter, after all, but despite the season, every night someone on TV reported the unusual weather, and the forecasters were perplexed by the density of the cloud formation. It was drawing more and more attention, starting to bring interest from outside of town.

There was a series of buckets littering the floor around our house, trying to catch the leaks that the cracks in our roof created. Emmett had patched the roof the best he could, but his repairs were only disrupted every time our house shifted.

It having been close to a month since Aro had left, the hospital had had it with Carlisle not working. Every day he got phone calls, no longer asking if he was okay, but demanding that he come in immediately. It was sending his anxiety through the roof. Literally, judging by the cracks.

"I want to try it," Carlisle murmured, watching me as I straightened the furniture after the latest 'incident'.

"Try what, love?" Hunting again, I hoped.

He shook his head. "…I want to try working again."

I wanted to believe he could do it. I really did. But he was struggling to coexist with our coven, let alone function around a building full of pulses and full veins when he hadn't fed- I stopped that train of thought upon seeing the look on Carlisle's face. He looked hurt, and I was immediately sorry, opening my mouth to apologise, before realising that wasn't the problem at all.

His hand was resting on his throat, squeezing a little tighter than I cared for, trying to smother the burn. My memory of feeding had been enough to ignite the flame, apparently. He swallowed thickly against his fingers.

I'd heard the conversation with his boss this morning; I knew why he wanted to go so badly. "Being let go by one hospital isn't the end of the world, Carlisle," I reminded him. "We move so often, what difference is it going to make in the long run?"

He sighed, glancing out the window at the weather. "I know, but…"

"You miss it?" I wrapped my arms around his waist, kissing his cheek as he nodded slowly. "I'll support you in whatever you choose to do, you know that. I just want you to be careful; I don't want you to get hurt."

He pulled me closer, tightening his arms around me. "I love you."

"I love you too." Glancing up, I smugly noticed that the weather had calmed a little bit when I'd touched Carlisle. At least he was letting me close to him now; it was killing me before.

"I'm sorry, Esme," he murmured in response to my thoughts.

"I understand why, love. I know you're not avoiding me without reason," I assured him for the millionth time. "I'm just relieved that you're okay with it now."

Carlisle had given in the next time his boss had called him. I wasn't sure what it was about the other man that made him so inclined to do it, but he seemed to have a certain amount of control over my husband. He seemed to know just the right buttons to push to make Carlisle do what he wanted him to, and the last few weeks of ignoring him had obviously taken it's toll.

Standing in front of me, he was having what I assume to be a muted panic attack. It had gotten to the point where he fretted over unimportant issues to mask the big ones. "…What if I can't drive anymore?"

Unable to help it, I chuckled to myself, pleased when he managed to smile in response. "Why on earth would you think you couldn't?" I chided. "You're over thinking things."

"Carlisle, Aro returned your memories, not took them away," Edward added, leaning against the door frame to watch the scene play out.

Carlisle glanced at him, then back at me, considering that for a moment. "Of course I remember how, but I'm not sure that I can focus enough not to be a danger to everyone else on the road."

"Then why do you think you can handle going to work, then?" he questioned bluntly. I was about to scold him, but judging by my husband's reaction the comment hadn't been said in bad faith.

"Because I've always done that. I'm used it-"

"Exactly," he laughed, interrupting. "If you can work, obviously you can still drive-"

"We don't know that I can work, yet," he reminded him quickly, not comforted much.

"Well, you're not going to find out if you stay here and argue with me all day," he grumbled. "You'll be fine. Just go."

"Good luck, love." I hugged him quickly, holding my breath as he disappeared out the door. I turned to Edward, waiting until I thought – hoped – there was enough distance between Carlisle and I for him to avoid hearing the conversation. "Will he be okay?"

He immediately shook his head. "No, but-"

" _Edward_!" I growled at him, clenching my teeth. "Then _why_ would you let him-"

"He's not going to hurt anyone, Esme, Alice knows that. _Carlisle_ knows that, if he's managed to focus on her visions. But he's not about to have a great day, either; today is his last day of work for a while, and he knows that too." He sighed heavily. "If he doesn't go today, and if he doesn't get hurt today, he's not going to be able to let it go."

"There are other ways we could have done this," I insisted.

"Maybe, but none that Carlisle would be satisfied with. Esme, he knows full well what he is getting himself into today; he knows what's going to happen, and he already knows that he's handing in his resignation this afternoon. He needs the closure of knowing that it's done, and that there was nothing he could do to stop it. If he quits without going in today, there's still the possibility that he could be fine, and that he quit for no reason. He wants to do this."

"He _wants_ to hurt himself?"

"No, Esme," he shook his head. "He wants to know that it's finished."

"This isn't good, Edward," I sighed, rubbing my hand over my face.

"It's the only way he's going to cope with this," he insisted.

I didn't believe it. Mind reader or not, I couldn't get my head around my husband purposefully setting himself up for disaster.

"This is Carlisle we're talking about. He'll be fine."

Carlisle was home a little earlier than normal, slow as he approached the front door. Unable to stand it, I opened it before he could get his key in the lock, needing to know what kind of state he was in. His reflex was to hug me immediately, burying his face in my shoulder and letting out a shaky breath.

I wrapped my arms around him. "Are you okay?" I asked, squeezing him.

He nodded, pulling away again as someone approached us from behind.

"Carlisle…" Edward murmured quietly.

"I'm okay, I just…didn't want to have to do that," he mumbled, awkward having both of us so intensely focused on him. The entire house was silent as the others waited for him to fall apart and something else to break.

Still, nothing changed. Carlisle was studying the floor, refusing to look at either of us. He'd frozen, overwhelmed with the mixed anxiety and relief his arrival had caused within our house. The minute he relaxed a little, all hell broke loose.

Every light in the house blew and the wiring crackled with electricity. The air hummed with static and the earth rolled under us, bringing trees down as the wind howled. There was far too much noise is my head, a million voices and memories that weren't my own. My skin stung with something akin to a shock, and I couldn't see through the fabricated scenery that engulfed our house, my emotions surging out of control.

"I-I h-have to go- I-" Carlisle all but bolted, gone in a second.

As soon as my vision returned, I hurried after him. by the time I finally got to him, it was far too late to stop him before he broke down.

"Carlisle, it's okay, it was just a slip," I reasoned, but he wasn't listening to me.

"I-I promised them that I'd never give them a reason to fear me, but they're terrified- I don't want to run a coven that is based on fear, I don't want to be like Amun, but my head hurts and I can't control it any longer. I'm about to destroy everything this family worked so hard for, just because I'm not good enough…" The words tumbled out of him without him wanting them.

I just wrapped my arms around him, not knowing what else I was supposed to do in this situation.

"And there's no way _that_ isn't going to be noticed; it was far too strong. We'll have to move, but I'll only give us away again, and I'm really, really scared that I'm going to hurt somebody…" His voice broke and he was suddenly in tears, spiralling down into the depths of a panic attack. "Alistair was right…I need to be away from people. Our coven shouldn't have to live in fear of upsetting me and I should have enough control not to slip all the time…I don't know what to do anymore…"

"I know you're overwhelmed right now, and today hasn't been the best, but we'll be okay," I murmured to him, hugging him tightly.

"It's going to be in the news that there was an earthquake in a town without a Faultline, and the unusual weather…I know that logically no one should trace it to our family, except maybe the wolves and the Volturi, but I can't risk damaging their homes like this- what if I weaken the buildings enough to collapse? And I can't even help to save them if I was to hurt anyone…I hate this- it would have been easier on all of you if Aro had just taken me with him-"

"Shh, Carlisle, enough," I interrupted, trying to stop that train of thought before he got too far with it.

"I know this is what he wanted to do, but-"

"Exactly, so leave it," I pressed, wanting him to drop it immediately; hearing my husband doubt himself so much was painful, especially when there wasn't anything I could do to make it easier for him.

"I-I hate myself, Esme- I don't want to do this anymore- I-"

"Stop. Please," I pleaded with him, trying to curb the need to cry but not quite able to. "Please, Carlisle, don't say that…"

He fell quiet, wrapping his arms around me and mumbling an apology.

I didn't reply – I couldn't, my throat was too tight – and it took me a few moments to find my voice again. "What are you going to do?"

"…Alistair…" he started carefully, trailing off before he got anything other than his name out.

My heart dropped and I felt sick. "N-no, you can't…you said yourself, being nomadic again will kill you…We can't do that anyway, Alistair wouldn't tolerate both of us for very long…" I tightened my hold on him in case he pulled back, but he didn't try.

Instead he leant down to kiss me, forcing a smile. "You're right, he couldn't. But if I stay here, I'm going to hurt all of us," he murmured gently.

I shook my head. "I can't let you do that- Edward won't either. There has to be something else, Carlisle."

"I can't stay here any longer; I can't so much as hunt here, and their smell is so strong…my throat burns a-and I'm not sure how much longer I can control myself…it's overwhelming when I'm like this and I-I…I'm not safe anymore…"

I sighed heavily, wondering how much else he hadn't told me about, seeming as he'd managed to keep this for so long. "I'll ask Tanya," I suggested after a moment of though. "The Denali's live in the middle of nowhere, you'd be safe. Perhaps hunting will be more successful there."

" _They_ wouldn't be safe."

That was a risk I was willing to take. "It's worth a shot."


	6. Chapter 6

Tanya wasn't home when I rang, but Kate hesitated the moment I brought it up. "He's…" she paused as she searched for the right word, not wanting to throw hard feelings between our covens. "Unpredictable. I'm not comfortable risking our coven's safety for this."

"Please, Kate, we're running out of options," I repeated for what seemed to be the millionth time, leaning back against the bench and biting my tongue to keep from snapping.

"Esme, you know that I love you two, but there is a high chance things will not go well, and I'm sure you can understand that the very idea of having him around my mate is more than a little…unsettling."

I glanced over at Carlisle, who was sitting at the table to listen to the result of the phone call, but his emotions were masked, for the time being. "He hasn't caused anyone any harm," I reasoned, trying to remind him of that fact as well. "We just need to take the pressure of being so close to civilisation away; it's not helping things."

She sighed heavily. "Tanya is the leader of this coven; she will make the final decision. I will get her to phone you back when she gets in. I'm not sure where she stands with Carlisle, but I know that Carmen is also hesitant. If there was even a little accident, things could go very badly for us, and we both worry for our husband's safety."

" _Please_ talk to Tanya," I asked again. After she agreed, we said our goodbyes and hung up. Thinking quickly, I called Siobhan, hoping against hope that she might be more receptive. All five minutes achieved was another awkward conversation and a polite decline. I sat in front of Carlisle with a sigh, squeezing his had in reassurance. "We'll figure something out, my love."

"I-I…Garrett…" he mumbled, tracing the grain of table with his finger. "If Kate doesn't trust me…" The thought of being cut off from his best friend was obviously going to drive him up the wall.

"He'll do what he wants, Carlisle, he's not going to refuse to talk to you just because Kate has reservations," I reminded him.

He shook his head. "He loves her…He wouldn't do anything that would worry her." His breath caught a little bit, and he struggled to keep it even. "And Siobhan…they're all afraid of me…"

I was floundering, trying to hold onto something that might take some of the pain away. "How about Amun? We can call him."

Carlisle forced a laugh, kissing the back of my hand. "He doesn't trust me in the best of times. I think we should leave him alone."

"I supposed you're right," I chuckled, squeezing his fingers. My smile quickly faded, though. "That still doesn't put us any closer to a solution."

There was a long pause before he spoke again. "This is like being a new born again; nobody wanted to be near me because they thought I was strange."

"I am a little frustrated by how our 'friends' are treating you right now, love," I grumbled.

"They've stood by our family many times before; it's unfair for me to expect that they would risk themselves for me."

"And what's the difference between them siding with this coven as opposed to just you, Carlisle?" Jasper asked suddenly, drawn in by the conflicting emotions in the room. His presence had startled me, but Carlisle seemed to know he had been there. "You separate the two, and one of them has a lot more worth to you than the other."

His examination didn't sit comfortably with my husband, and he shifted awkwardly. "I wouldn't be anything without all of you," he murmured in response, avoiding looking at either of us.

"Just this once, you need to put yourself first." Not getting a response, he added: "You need to learn to be selfish, Carlisle." He left it at that, seeming to realise that that was enough, and left us alone again.

I squeezed his hand again, forcing a smile when he glanced over at me.

"…I don't feel like I can ask this of our friends, Esme. If the situation was reversed, I don't know that I would let someone like me near any of you, either."

I resisted rolling my eyes at the lack of self-analysis that had just occurred. "You're really going to sit here and allow yourself to think that if Tanya or Siobhan called you, while they were in the position you are in now, that you would refuse to help them?" I teased, chuckling to myself.

Seeing my amusement, he did smile, almost guilty.

Mentally cursing Tanya for not having returned my call yet, despite not much time having passed, I momentarily forgot that Carlisle could easily hear my thoughts.

"Don't you take this out of her," he laughed. "She has the right to leave her own home."

"Oh, be quiet," I mock scolded him, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "If she doesn't call me back, I'm going to have harsh words for her next time we meet."

"Love, Tanya Denali would not be afraid of you," he teased. "Nothing phases that woman."

Nothing, except perhaps Carlisle's current predicament.

"Sam is siding with us, if we run into conflict," Edward announced as he entered the house, his hand wrapped in Bella's.

Carlisle was immediately guarded, though I wasn't sure what exactly stung. "Of course he is; I could wipe out his entire pack without even meaning to," he murmured.

"Carlisle," he grumbled, hearing something that I did not.

"He's not wrong, Edward," Emmett agreed. "If there is a fight over this, anyone sided against Carlisle won't be making it out."

"There will be no fighting over this," Carlisle shot back, being spoken of as a threat hitting a raw nerve.

Emmett rolled his eyes at his outburst. "I'm just saying, the Volturi aren't going to let this go on forever, and anyone who wasn't on your side is bound to be-"

"If it comes down to that, Emmett, then they can have me. We may as well just get it over and done with." Immediately the entire house was silent. The weather was scarily calm, and the tension in the room grew to the point I could taste it. A few second passed where we all looked at each other, but my husband avoided looking at any of us. Cursing under his breath, he made for the nearest exit, disappearing out the front door and into the tree line before I could even take a breath.

I made to go after him, but Edward grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Leave him."

"I am not about to let my husband destroy himself, Edward," I told him firmly, pulling free.

"He isn't going to do anything, Esme, I'm watching him," Alice added quietly.

I gave him an hour. And it near killed me. For the first time, I didn't trust him not to do anything reckless, or something he would regret. The sky was brooding, and I was well aware that it wouldn't be doing so if Carlisle had gotten over whatever bubble emotion burst out before.

I traced him easily; apparently he hadn't master the ability to mask his own trail, or perhaps he just didn't care about it for the time being. "Carlisle," I called cautiously, worrying for what state he may have worked himself up into. This wasn't like him at all; he'd never acted like this before, and I really didn't know what to expect.

Thankfully, after a heavy minute, he came to me, dropping down from one of the trees overhead. He didn't say anything, though, not so much as glancing up at me.

I didn't know what to pull him up on; he hadn't done anything wrong, really, and I was convinced that asking him if he was 'okay' all the time would drive him up the wall. "How can I help you, my love?"

"Esme, you're not responsible for looking after me…Please don't think that," he murmured after considering his response. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this as well; I don't want you to have to…But I'm not sure how to separate myself from this- this… _thing_ , and I'm not sure how to protect you from it…"

"Is this what this is all about? You wanting to protect me?"

"…I'm only putting pressure on you for something that shouldn't be an issue you have to deal with…"

"Carlisle, we're married. That's how it works," I reminded him.

"…But that isn't fair…

"None of this is fair."

He stopped, not taking my prompts for him to talk to me. Although he wasn't defensive, he was definitely withholding what was really happening from me.

"What's this about, Carlisle? We could have had this conversation inside, but instead you've run." When I was met with silence, I tried again. "Are you _wanting_ to go back to Aro?"

The question had taken him off guard, and he took a little while to respond. "…I don't know…but I'm sure he will come for me eventually; he did this for a reason..." He shifted a little, nervous. "…I feel like everything is falling apart underneath me; people that I've know for years are scared that I can't control myself, our coven sees me as a threat now, I can't hunt and I'm not capable of working. I don't want to do this anymore. I _can't_ do this anymore…"

I wrapped my arms around him, glad when he let me close enough to do it. "Some of this is about the other covens, isn't it?" I asked, already knowing the answer; isolation wasn't good at any point in anyone's life, but worse now than other times.

"…I guess so..."

"I'll sort something out, okay?" I kissed his cheek, but he shook his head.

"But you shouldn't have to; you're my wife, not my mother, and you shouldn't have to run around after me all the time, just because I can't manage myself well…this shouldn't be happening to you…"

"What you're going through is horrible, Carlisle, and I'm not about to let you do it by yourself."

"I love you."

I leant up to kiss him gently. "I love you too."


	7. Chapter 7

"Thank you, Tanya, for letting us come here. I know it is going against your coven's wishes," I whispered to her as we stood together in the kitchen. She'd called me the following morning, agreeing without hesitation that Carlisle could come to them.

She shook her head. "Kate is not pleased, no, but Eleazar and Garrett are happy to see you two. As is Carmen, though she is a little concerned. Besides, I'm sure I would have lost half my coven if I had refused you; Garrett has been unsettled by all of this, after speaking to Alistair, and he if had left to come to you, Kate would not be staying behind. Eleazar would go as well, I have no doubt." She sighed heavily. "And I'm not about to stand here and pretend that I am not concerned about Carlisle's wellbeing as well."

Carlisle was acutely aware that we were both watching him, struggling to maintain a coherent conversation with the others while we distracted him.

"How is it that being able to read people's thoughts hampers your social ability, Carlisle?" she teased him, laughing when he rolled his eyes at her. "Or perhaps you were always this awkward, and I haven't noticed before?"

"More than likely," he laughed, but his smile quickly faded. "I find it hard to…focus, now that everything is so loud."

She nodded and left it at that. I was grateful that she was still willing to interact with him like that; she didn't have the same fear of upsetting him that everyone else seemed to, and their playful teasing hadn't changed. "What that boy needs is a rest and a damn good hunt. It's a shame vampires can't sleep."

I nodded in agreement; she certainly wasn't wrong. The mothering tone she took on made me laugh, but Carlisle didn't pull her up on it.

"Has he fed at all?"

"No, he can't. We've tried, but it didn't end well." I couldn't supress the worry that gnawed in the pit of my stomach; it had been _far_ too long, and it was starting to show through in his movements.

He was a little less co-ordinated now, and while having him continuous stumble over things could be somewhat 'cute' at times, he was quickly losing strength. Emotional control was rapidly going out the window, and the more time that passed, the worse the panic attacks got and the more anxious he became. His fixation on needing to feed was taking it's tole on how well he managed his new abilities too, and the less aware of it he became, the more unpredictable everything was. Far too often our vision would be replaced with a false reality or electricity would hum in the air. Light bulbs had a tendency to blow whenever he was too close, though he was so distracted I doubted he noticed.

"That's not good," she murmured, frowning.

"That's an understatement."

"We'll fix this, Carlisle," she told him quietly.

Carlisle's agreement to the idea had been so impulsive I knew he hadn't thought it through. In any other frame of mind, he would have been afraid of having to face hunting again, but he wanted it so badly he'd agreed to go out with Eleazar and Garrett instantly, jumping at the chance.

"Slowly, love," I reminded him, holding him still in front of my while he fidgeted. "I know you can do this, but you really need to focus, alright?" Unable to deny that I was nervous, I hugged him tightly.

He wrapped his arms around me in return, but the gesture was automatic.

"Slow down," Garrett grumbled at him as they headed out the door, restraining a laugh as he held onto his arm to keep him back before he bolted. "Be careful."

The hours passed, and I wondered what sort of trouble they'd run into. They'd planned to go quite far out into the wood so that they were well away from the house and any neighbouring towns, and I hoped that it was the distance that was keeping them gone for so long.

Their entrance back to the house was so abrupt it took all of us by surprise. Eleazar was tightly holding Carlisle's wrist, pulling him inside and shoving him back against the table, giving him no choice but to sit there.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Don't you ever run from us again, do you understand?" he growled at him, furious. "Do you want the Volturi to tear you to shreds? Because I can assure you Aro would not hesitate!"

My husband just took it, sitting there like a reprimanded child as the older vampire scolded him. He was obviously upset, but Eleazar's words seemed to be going over his head. Even if Carlisle wasn't disturbed by it, I was still shocked; he and Eleazar were much the same in that they never lost their temper. Having them both in this emotionally volatile state was more than unsettling. Even more so that Carlisle wouldn't stand up for himself. I comforted myself with the knowledge that his hunt had been successful; his eyes returning to the same honey-gold they used to be.

Eleazar took a deep breath, lowering his voice. "Look, I'm sorry I lost my temper, but if you had run away, god knows who else would have gotten hurt. The whole point of you being here is to take that risk away."

Silence thickened the room, where nobody could find the words to speak. "What do you mean 'who else'?" Tanya asked cautiously. "What happened?"

Garrett interrupted before Carlisle or Eleazar could get a word in. "Nothing serious. It was an accident, and that's the end of it."

"I-it was my fault- I-I couldn't-" my husband started, but he cut him off again.

"Carlisle, I shouldn't have been touching you in the first place. It isn't terrible either; bites sting far worse than this does." As he spoke, I realised he had burn-like lesions dragged across his arms, which I knew for a fact had not been there when the three of them had left. "No more apologies; let it go."

"…At least let me fix it?" he pleaded.

Garrett nodded consent, offering him a small smile. "Of course."

Kate immediately lurched at Carlisle, her hands on him for a second before a shield shoved her back again. She snarled and crouched, ready to try it again. My hands were balled into fists, but I forced myself to remain where I was; as much as I wanted that woman far away from my mate, I didn't think Carlisle could handle any violence toward me. It would be the last straw for his self-control.

"Carlisle, you need to work on your empathetic control; I would not be yelling, and Kate would not be attacking if the air was not so charged with agitation," Eleazar reasoned with him.

He nodded, but said nothing.

Tanya restrained Kate, shaking her head at her sister. "Enough. You know that hurting Carlisle will not make you feel better; it was an accident."

"It was _Garrett_ , not an accident!" she shrieked, ripping free. "This is exactly why I did not want you here! You cant be trusted," she spat at Carlisle. "You know that I do not want you near any member of this family, and this is why!"

"Kate," Garrett warned. He wrapped his arm around her waist, wincing a little as his wounds brushed against her. Both Carlisle and Kate noticed it immediately, and she snarled at him again.

"Let her go," Carlisle murmured to him. "Let her do what she wants, if that is what will make her feel better."

That was all it took for Kate to pull free of Garrett, stalking over to my husband before anyone could do anything about and sending countless volts of electricity through him.

To my horror; he wasn't immune to it. I'd assumed that with every other ability he had gained, he'd be able to block any power like this. He choked back any sound he wanted to make, bracing himself against the table to keep from falling. I jumped at her at the same time her husband pulled her back – thankfully before I could do anything I'd regret later.

"It's okay, Esme," Carlisle whispered to me, his hand on my back. "She's right to be upset with me; I deserve this."

It hit me like a wave, and I was suddenly sick to my stomach, my head spinning. "You _wanted_ her to hurt you."

Kate didn't give me time to get an answer. "You fix him. Now. I will not have my mate in pain because of your lack of self-control."

I sat with them in the kitchen while he treated his wounds, Carlisle biting back tears the entire time despite Garrett's reassurance. Kate remained in the doorway, only restrained by her husband's request for her to leave him alone.

"How did this happen, exactly?" I asked them. The burns didn't look like anything I'd seen before.

"I grabbed him when he lost control; he wasn't expecting it and I shouldn't have done it."

"…You can't take responsibility for me hurting you…" he murmured to him, glancing up at him briefly. "You were trying to help me, and I-I let myself get so out of control that I risked your safety." Focusing on wrapping the burns, he smothered waves of panic. Instinctively, I ran my hand down his back, wanting to hug him but unable to while he sat like that.

"You're learning, Carlisle. Please don't beat yourself up over this," he argued. "Besides, it doesn't seem to be taking long to heal. It'll be okay."

"I'm so sorry, Garrett."

"I know."

"We need to talk about what happened this afternoon, Carlisle." Closing the door behind me, I sat next to him, taking his hand in mine.

"I hurt my best friend as he tried to help me, and I terrorise all of you with emotions that aren't yours because I don't know how to manage them myself. I don't know how I'm supposed to learn, Esme; I don't understand how I'm supposed to teach myself how to control this."

I squeezed his fingers. "And you think punishing yourself will help?"

He looked down, away from me. "…If I inflict pain upon others, it's only fair that I feel it myself, isn't it?"

"No, love." I shook my head. "Not at all; it doesn't achieve anything."

"…It makes me feel better…it takes some of the guilt away…" he mumbled, not wanting to say the words, but unwilling to lie to me.

Repressing a wave of anxiety, I kissed his cheek, wrapping my arm around his waist to hug him. "Self-harm isn't a way out of this, Carlisle."

It was the wrong choice of words, and he reacted badly, jerking back from me and out from under my touch. "That isn't what this is."

"I'm sorry, love, but that is what it looks like. You may not want to call it that, but you wanted to hurt yourself today, whether you inflicted the pain or not."

Quiet again, he didn't want to think about it, somewhat shutting down and locking me out.

Forcing him to look at me, I kissed him again. "At least you managed to feed today. That's a step in the right direction."


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry this chapter took a bit longer than usual, exams happened -.-**

* * *

Despite the 'accident' and Kate's obvious hostility, feeding made all the difference to Carlisle's mood. His demeaner changed completely – as did the weather. The sun was out, the wind had died down, and Tanya had deduced that it was safe enough to stand everything on her shelves back up. The tension in the air had lifted, and we were all starting to relax again.

For the first time since the Volturi had left, I was at ease with having my husband out of my sight. Still, it was an instinct to seek his company. I found him in kitchen with Tanya and Eleazar, both of them watching him intently.

Carlisle looked a little awkward under their scrutiny, but immediately smiled upon seeing me - the first genuine smile in weeks. At the same time, the lightbulb on the table shattered, sending shards of glass across the floor. He winced, guilty.

"Focus, Carlisle. I know she's gorgeous, but you can worry about that when you're alone together," Tanya teased him, chuckling to herself as she replaced the light.

Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself again. There was a light hum in the air, and my skin tingled with an odd sensation. The light bulb flickered at first, so dimly I wasn't sure that I hadn't imagined it. The flickers turned into short bursts of light, slowly becoming brighter and more stable. This time when the bulb lit up again, it held, glowing brightly and still in one piece.

Everyone in the room was grinning; this was the first sense of _real_ control Carlisle had shown with his abilities. Our first sense of hope. Carlisle still looked uneasy, though.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders while he sat at the table, kissing his cheek. "No more self-doubt, alright?" I whispered. "It's just practice."

The wide-felt relief was monumental, although I suspected that perhaps empathic manipulation may have had something to do with that, seeming as my husband's mood seemed to dictate the general atmosphere of the house.

"I'm working on it," he promised in response to my thoughts, squeezing my hand. "But it's a little harder with something that I can't see."

"Or, perhaps Kate's ability is easier to control than the others," Garrett added from behind me, blatantly winding up his wife. "It had been over-estimated in the past."

"If you don't shush, Garrett, you'll be on the floor," Kate warned lowly, mostly teasing. She let him get away with it, turning to Carlisle. She still wasn't happy with his presence, that much was obvious, but she did seem to be making a little more of an effort to be supportive now. "If you wanted to practice with your shield, I'm sure the same tactic that worked for Bella could work for you, if we put Esme in Edward's position-"

"No. No way," he cut her off, quickly shaking his head. "Never, Kate."

I repressed a smile at quick his defence.

* * *

I watched him for a while before approaching; it was the first time I'd seen him attempt to do anything he used to enjoy in a long time. Reading was proving difficult though, his focus wandering from the pages every few minutes as a vision or thought intruded on his concentration. He couldn't settle, visibly uncomfortable, but he was trying his best.

"You can't sneak up on me anymore, love," he murmured, hiding a smile but not looking up.

I rolled my eyes and moved to sit next to him. "I was never particularly good at sneaking up on you to begin with."

He set the book down and turned to hug me, resting his cheek on the top of my head. "I'm sure there is nothing wrong with your sneaking, Esme, but it would be difficult seeming as I'm always focused on you," he teased lightly.

I had to laugh; it wasn't a lie. He could never catch me by surprise either, when I knew his whereabouts all the time. "Maybe we're both hopeless; you're not much better."

Laughing, he shook his head. "There's absolutely no chance of me getting anywhere unnoticed now; even if I don't shake the walls, your emotions will stabilise as soon as I'm away."

My smile faded, despite the fact he was joking; it had a hint of truth to it. "You're doing well at the moments, Carlisle, don't get stuck on things," I scolded lightly.

"At least we can light the house if the power shuts off?" he asked, ignoring my comment.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," I teased.

"What did you say before? Practice?"

"Well, we could always take Kate up on her offer," I called his bluff.

Again, he shook his head, his smile fading a little. "You saw what happened to Garrett when I lost control, Esme. I couldn't live with myself if I did that to you."

"I don't want that either, Carlisle, but it will heal. He's immortal, I doubt it will scar."

"Venom scars, though."

"We'll see, I suppose. I think Kate has forgiven you."

"Not quite, but almost." Thankfully, his smile was back.

* * *

I was over the moon when Carlisle agreed to go to the baseball game with the other coven. Even if he only watched, it was far more than what he would have done a week ago, when he didn't like the idea of leaving the house at all in fear of breaking something.

Still, watching the others pack gear, he was anxious. Eleazar and Garrett had trapped him in a conversation, meaning he didn't have the opportunity to simply back out he would have had they left him to his own devices. I couldn't help but worry a little as his nervous habits unfolded though; as much as I wanted him to go with them, I didn't want him to push himself too far. He didn't need something else to beat himself up over.

He turned to me as I approached him, abruptly ignoring the other two. "You're coming, right?" he asked quickly, almost pleading.

"Yes, Carlisle," I promised, squeezing his hand. "Of course I'll be there."

* * *

Even before we'd left the house, I couldn't get a word out of Carlisle. He watched the activity of the other coven nervously, staying close to me and avoiding becoming involved in any great deal of activity. He'd chosen not to play with them, sitting on the grass to watch as soon as we hit the field. Why the sudden drastic change in mood from earlier this morning, I wasn't sure.

"You're awfully quiet, my love, are you alright?" Sitting beside Carlisle, I rubbed the small of his back, assuming he was nervous and trying to reassure him. My concern had got the better of me.

He hesitated, watching the field still. "…I don't think hunting was a good idea…"

"Carlisle, that's crazy. You weren't even functioning before, and now you're starting to learn how to control abilities. You needed to hunt, even if it didn't go smoothly," I chided, shaking my head at him. He didn't reply, and I sighed, wrapping my arm around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder.

"…Can we go?" he asked quietly.

"You want to go home?" I frowned.

He nodded quickly, still refusing to look at me but biting his lip.

"We're here now, love. You don't just want to stay for a little while longer? Nobody is going to force you to play," I assured him.

"…Please…"

I just nodded; there wasn't a reason to keep him here if he was dead set on leaving. Not a second passed before he darted over to Tanya, explaining we were leaving. She threw me a confused look, and I just shrugged, as in the dark as she was.

"Please tell me what's wrong, Carlisle? I'm not about to start tolerating suffering in silence," I warned, squeezing his fingers as we walked.

He deliberated for a moment, unsure what to tell me. "…I feel sick…from hunting, I guess…"

Frowning, I instinctively stopped and held my hand against his forehead, shaking my head at myself upon realising there wasn't any feasible way for him to be running a fever.

"…like motion sickness, I think…because of the visions and you people always thinking so loudly," he teased, too nervous to pull it off before he voice was quiet again.

"I'll tell the others to keep it down," I chuckled trying to lighten the mood. "How long have you been feeling unwell, love?"

"Since I fed yesterday…I'm scared I might throw up, and I'll have to do it again…"

"Is that physically possible?" I asked quickly, already trying to calculate ways around it. I understood now why he wanted to move away from the game; no doubt the flurry of movement made it worse.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Hopefully not."

Everything had been okay after we had gotten home and settled down. I had doubted Carlisle's ability to sit quietly and watch a movie on the TV with me, but he seemed to enjoy the 'sitting still' part of it. It was nice being this close to him again; intimacy was a little hard to achieve when someone was continuously in a state of stress. I was more than content with his arm around me, cuddled into his side.

This ended abruptly as he ripped away from me, barely making it to the bathroom sink before coughing up everything he'd managed to force down the day before. He cursed quietly, apparently less upset about it than I was; he was visibly shaken up, but I was in a blind state of panic.

"Carlisle! Sit down, are you okay? Did it hurt?" Floundering for what to do, I wasn't sure how to make him feel any better. The trigger for the episode became evident as the voices of the others became clearer.

"…I'm okay, Esme," he mumbled, disappointed more than anything. "Just…don't say anything to Tanya? I don't want them to know and have more reason to panic…"

I nodded, forcing myself to calm down; it wouldn't help anything if I was the one that was a mess when they opened the door.

What my husband didn't factor in, however, was that immediately his eyes were black again; a tell-tale sign of starvation. It hadn't taken long for one of the others to question why we were back at square one, and Carlisle to be forced to explain himself. And it didn't sit well with anybody. I wasn't the only one who worried insistently about the consequences of him not being able to feed; it would become dangerous- it _was_ dangerous.

The combined hysteria of everyone wasn't helping the matter at all. Carlisle was quiet and still, withdrawn and not listening to us anymore. He mumbled something, but it was lost under everything else.

"What was that, love?" I stood beside him again, hugging him tightly.

"…I could use an IV line…then I wouldn't have to swallow it and it would go straight into a vein…" he repeated, glancing at me.

"Carlisle," I warned, immediately unsure.

"It's worth a shot, Esme."

I knew the suggestion was mostly a comfort for us, but I couldn't help but be a little bit hopeful.


End file.
